she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Randomize
