Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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