none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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