feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
