she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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