the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
