tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
