This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize