I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
