Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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