Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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