I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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