He felt like a one man threesome
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
