I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
