Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize