My first STD was from a foam party
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
