PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I bet he comes in French.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
