If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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