Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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