i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
