I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
