that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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