you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
