One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
