He passed out mid-signature
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
