Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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