so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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