She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
