i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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