i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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