Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
