New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Couch. On fire.
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