I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Randomize
