tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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