Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
