She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
