so explain again why im purple
no
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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