If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize