Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
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