no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
