You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
