I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
