Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
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