just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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