It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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