I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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