I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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