Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He passed out mid-signature
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
