this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
