Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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