Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
