I hate all girls vehemently.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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