I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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