I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
