It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
