I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
pray to the hookup gods
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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