I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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