Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
