does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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