hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Small penises have feelings too.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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