well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I came so hard my ears popped.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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