just come out here and I will go home with you...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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