so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
