Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
