Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
