apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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