I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize