Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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