she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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