I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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