Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
