Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
