I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize