i need an iv and a liver transplant
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
