So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
