just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
