they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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