Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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