I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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