Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize