We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
