My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
