he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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