dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
