Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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