I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
