Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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