I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
