i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You can't just leave with hair like that
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize