he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
