I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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