They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
