Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We left the knife in your bed.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
