haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
