there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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