I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
