At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
