Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
