Im at strip club and am horny
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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