Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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