nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
